I’ve been a creative small-business owner for ten years now, but I’m still floored every time a “reach for the stars” opportunity becomes a reality. In fact, I’m surprised by my manifesting abilities–that I made my dreams a reality.

That my paintings are for sale in a fine art gallery is HUGE for me.

Even though I’ve run my photography & fine arts business for nearly a decade, impostor syndrome has skewed my view of my worth as an artist.

Rewind to 18 months ago, when I said out loud for the first time, “Maybe one day I can sell my paintings in a gallery.”

I didn’t fully believe that I could do it at first.

At the time, the fine art world felt daunting and unreachable to me. The truth is, I felt overwhelmed by the hurdles of establishing myself as a painter after years of working solely as a wedding and portrait photographer.

I told myself these lies, fueled by impostor syndrome:

• Artists who sell their work have to go to grad school first to be legit.
• I’m not good enough at painting for galleries to represent me.
• I need to pay my dues before I can aim for the goal of gallery representation.
• Painting is a distraction; I should be content to “just” be a wedding photographer and make money that way.

And then something in me shifted. I started to question my inner critic. As I began giving myself credit for all the work I had been doing, my impostor syndrome faded.

I really dug into what it was to BE an artist and all that comes with it. The rigorous training, vulnerable sharing, and courageous risking. The nitty-gritty business management duties, and the wild emotional struggles that come with stepping into this kind of life.

And I saw that I’ve been doing this work all along–not just for the last 18 months.

For the last ten years, I was doing the work of an artist, even with the presence of impostor syndrome.

In fact, I was still very much an artist when:

• I lacked a designated space in my home to paint.
• My work didn’t sell
• I wondered how many photography clients I’d book for the year.
• I didn’t believe I was an artist.

Over time, I realized I didn’t need the external validation from a graduate program or artist guild in order to be an artist. I could, in fact, simply evict impostor syndrome from my psyche.

I’ve learned that in order to be an artist I had to not only create my work, but also to sell my work. Which meant I had to figure out prices. And feel confident enough to share them next to the art.

Over these last 18 months, I’ve leveled up in so many ways, especially with how I feel about parting with work that’s been along the journey of helping me recover from trauma.

To reflect these shifts and to keep my work in alignment with the fine art gallery market, my fine art offerings will be changing over the next few weeks as I increase my prices.

I couldn’t have reached this dream of being a gallery-represented fine artist without the support of you–my collectors and clients. Thank you so much for valuing my art and believing in me! Thank you for not seeing me through the lens of impostor syndrome, but seeing me for who I really am.

I’m sharing this with you because I want to make sure that as my VIP supporters in this, that you get first dibs on my work for a little longer before the general public.

Now go feast your eyes on your favorite works in my online shop, and let’s nip impostor syndrome in the bud!

The post Overcoming Impostor Syndrome by Stepping into my Worth appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

There have been so many times since that day that I’ve doubted my ability to make it as an artist. But this week, as I celebrate my solo show at my studio space with Horse & Buggy Press & Friends, I am reminded that my dreams are worth nurturing. And that I have more manifesting abilities than I ever realized.

I am healing trauma through art, growing into the person I’ve always wanted to be.

On Friday I set up my painting display on the gallery wall at Horse & Buggy Press & Friends.

When I hung the last painting, I felt a wave of energy pulse through me.

33 pieces of artwork I’ve made in just 2 years stood before me. All for sale and ready to find their future owners.

I felt amazed at just how much beauty I had created.

Every single painting on this wall holds emotional significance for me. There’s something deeply satisfying about seeing them all in one place. As painful and difficult as my trauma recovery has been, these paintings highlight all the passion, joy, and color I’ve manifested in my life since leaving my abuser and beginning to paint.

Each painting on this gallery wall tells a powerful story of my healing after trauma. The act of expressing myself through my art allowed me to release my emotions and embrace joy, in hope that you can too.

There’s the painting that started it all — my full moon ocean scene.

One week after I painted this symbol of illumination, intuition, and the Divine Feminine, I woke up to the abuse I was experiencing in my life. I summoned the strength to listen to my intuition, and I left my relationship and began rebuilding my life.

My floral paintings celebrate the promise of new life. Painting them helped me reject a scarcity mindset– that I am not enough–and claim abundance.

After leaving my relationship, I noticed that I felt joy when I painted. So instead of waiting for the feeling to happen, I brought that joy with me everywhere I went.

I painted flowers on porches, in bars, on first dates in public places, and on the sides of mountains.

A gladiolus for strength. Roses for new beginnings. Poppies for magic-making.

By painting flowers, I meditated on beauty, and made that beauty available to you to enjoy. Instead of dwelling on my painful past, I released it. I embraced joy, so that you can too.

And there’s “Emergence,” the painting I made in 2017 when I was coming to terms with the sexual trauma I had endured that kept me afraid of expressing my queer identity.

I wanted to feel pride in my authentic self instead of the shame that was engrained in me growing up in a fundamentalist evangelical community. I wanted to come out of the closet, even though I felt afraid of being judged. Even though I still judged myself.

So to manifest courage in my outer world, I slapped reds and blacks, teals and golds onto a blank canvas. I masterfully shaped my art with the same confidence, playfulness, and autonomy that I wanted to give to my sexual identity and self-expression.

Let’s not forget the sweet trio of watercolor spirit animals I painted while traveling throughout the South last summer.

I painted the lion with my childhood friend Julie in her new house in Texas, flinging paint around with her twin boys.

Ten days later I would drive down to Georgia with my partner Adam to adopt our kitten, Thorn, and swim in the ocean at night under a full moon with my love. I painted the tiger at a coffeeshop that week, next to Adam as we dreamed up kitten names together.

Then there’s all the paintings I made with my friend Jill, who died a few months ago.

I love those first watercolors I painted by her side at my kitchen table in my Bachelor Girl Pad, my new kitten Calypso at our feet batting at my markers.

There’s the orange and pink fluid painting that resembled a gemstone she loved, that I made at her suggestion. Then there’s the weeping elephant on canvas, my expression of my grief over her death, a testament of my love for her.

And then there’s those paintings I made with my middle school boys during their fluid painting unit this winter.

I now worked at my dream job teaching middle school art. A job that solidified my desire to step into this new part of my calling. It’s time for me to help others tap into their own treasure troves of creativity.

I remember how the boys’ eyes widened in anticipation as I poured blues and greens onto a canvas. Together we watched the colors swirl and drip off the sides. Later they would display their very own pour paintings in an art exhibition at school. And they would feel proud.

These are just a few of the stories the pop out at me when I gaze at these paintings on my gallery display. But there are so many more.

I’m excited about all the paintings that have yet to be created and shared with you, so paradormirmejor.org that we can heal from life’s difficulties together and meditate on beauty.

Art is my compass.

It guides me to my deepest truth. It carried me to freedom from abuse. It illuminates my way when the whole world around me feels filled with darkness.

I paint to find my own healing. To understand wounds, to release pain, to embrace joy.

And I paint for you. To remind you of your own power. Your own truth. To bring light and color and inspiration into your own dark places.  

May these paintings help you unleash your wild spirit self and connect you to your creative impulses. For your creativity will steer you back to yourself when you feel lost.

Want to exchange more stories of healing trauma and embracing joy through art?

Join me on Thursday 2/28 for my first art reception of 2019. I’ll have my paintings up in the gallery at Horse & Buggy Press & Friends for a 10 day pop-up show and am so stoked to share the goodness with you.

Entrance is free, and I’ll have snacks + wine for my guests. Come on by after work for happy hour and a happy night of art and creativity!

The Details:

• Thursday 2/28 @ 5-8pm
• Horse & Buggy Press
• 1116 Broad St. Suite 101, Durham NC 27705

RSVP to my art reception here!

The post 3 Years Later: Reflections on Healing Trauma through Art appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

In past years, I’ve often felt stuck in my sadness over failed relationships and lost love.

This year, even though I am over the moon about my relationship to my partner and the love we’ve found and partnership we’ve built, I am remembering my friend Jill who recently passed, and am missing her.

And I’m thinking about elephants.

I know, that’s a weird thing to be thinking about on a day that celebrates heteronormative romance.

Let me back up and explain.

I spent last Valentine’s Day with Jill on my couch, my cat Calypso on her lap. We had decided to eschew social norms that day by watching I, Tonya on Netflix, indulging our 90’s nostalgia and penchant for dark films. We even exchanged gifts

Neither of us felt like elevating romance over the intimacy we shared as close friends, so we made a date out of it.

It was a perfect Valentine’s Day with my friend. I didn’t know then that it would be our last holiday together.

2 weeks after Jill died, I made this elephant painting.

When Jill died, I hadn’t painted big in MONTHS and felt stuck in my sadness and overwhelm. I felt threatened by my big feelings and was running away from them instead of releasing them.

One day I woke up and knew that the only ticket out of my stuckness was returning to the easel — my safe space for honoring and expressing my feelings.

When I finished the painting, I felt the way I do after a really good run in the woods– breathless, flooded with contentment, connected to something larger than myself.

There wasn’t even space for grief in that moment. I just felt pure love for my friend, and I felt grateful for the time we had to love each other when she was alive.

It was only after I created this elephant painting that I would learn about the symbolism of the animal.

In India the animal is called Ganesh, a harbinger of happiness and health. People historically associate the elephant with the root chakra–our foundation.

When Jill died, my foundation felt imploded, but the act of painting this elephant helped me heal my grief and overwhelm just a little bit more.

With each brushstroke of this beautiful creature, I felt myself strengthen through her pure “elephantness.” Those elegant ears that take in messages from the herd, her prized tusks that defend her territory, those kind, wise eyes that recognize the pain of her kin and grieves when they die.

By painting my elephant I was giving myself permission to feel what I feel. And to not stay stuck in that. Jill would have wanted me to laugh again, and I felt determined to get there. I knew I had a right to joy, happiness, and health and that these were basic rights of all creatures on earth.

So this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re coupled up or broken up, straight or queer, aromantic or the world’s biggest romantic, I hope you know that you deserve love and joy, health and happiness. Surround yourself with those who feel like kin today. Feast on beauty.

Need an extra nudge? Head on over to my online painting gallery for a burst of color today. From peony bouquets to watercolor spirit animals, I’ve got lots of artwork for you to enjoy this V-day!

Prefer to see my work in person?

My pop up show at Horse & Buggy Press is just around the corner, and I’ll have lots of paintings for you to feast your eyes on (including this elephant painting and my large spirit animals!)

I’ve got FIVE events planned for you during my 10-day show: 4 chill open studio days on the weekends, and a more formal evening reception on Thursday 2/28.

THE DETAILS

• Pop-Up Show Dates: 2/23-3/3

• Horse & Buggy Press and Friends | 1116 Broad St. Suite 101, Durham, NC 27705

• Art Reception: Thursday 2/28 from 5-8pm

• Open Studios: Saturday 2/23, Sunday 2/24, Saturday 3/2, and Sunday 3/3 from 10am-3pm

Never been to Horse & Buggy Press and not sure where to go?

This sweet little gallery and studio space rests between Deeluxe Chicken and Watts Grocery on Broad Street right next to the School of Science and Math. You can park in either lot adjacent to the Watts Grocery building, or along the street.

(Bonus: Deeluxe Chicken has a killer friend chicken sandwich, and Watts Grocery has dank drinks. Go ahead and spend a coupla hours enjoying all that this side of town has to offer!)

The post Why I’m Celebrating V-Day with an Elephant Painting appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

I know my introverted pace isn’t always conducive to holiday parties, but this year I’m choosing to honor my desires and retreat to my healing space whenever I need to.

This holiday season, I’m immensely thankful for my cozy new art studio at Horse and Buggy Press, which has has satisfied my introverted cocooning cravings.

It’s a healing space where I can kick off my shoes, turn up the tunes, and lose myself to my thoughts and feelings, uninterrupted.

I feel at home in the sensory details of my studio. The softness of my pink shag rug, the grounding scent of lemongrass incense, and the colorful paintings resting in their perfect places–every detail offers me comfort. I can be myself here.

I feel such gratitude for this healing space that serves as a womb for my creative desires.

What spaces are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Do you make it a point during the holidays to carve out time for yourself?

For those of you who are struggling this holiday season, please be gentle with yourselves. Go straight to your favorite physical or creative spaces and engage in grounding activities.

Whether it’s walking by a stream…

…sleeping in an extra hour in your own bedroom…

…or soaking in the bathtub at your mother-in-law’s house…

remember to L O V E yourself in and through all the hard emotions that the holidays can trigger.

Just like the season, this too will pass.

This Thanksgiving, I’d like to share with you my gratitude for those life-giving healing spaces that allow me to unwind and truly feel at home. 

So I’m throwing the BIGGEST sale yet, and it starts NOW! Everything in my online shop is 30% off from now until midnight Tuesday.

 Have you been eyeing a vibrant round painting from my Voyage Collection that will look good in your bedroom corner? Or maybe there’s a large turquoise painting from my Seascape Series that would look good over your bathtub? Now’s the time to snag it up!

Here’s a peek at some of my sale items. These round paintings Comprar cialis generico barato en españa now start at $102 instead of $145!

With the BLACKFRIDAY discount code, you can get stocking stuffers for $35-44! Choose from a variety of framed mini paintings like these:

This holiday season, commemorate your favorite spaces with original artwork that rejuvenates and inspires you.

Use the code BLACKFRIDAY at checkout to get 30% off your order!

This is the biggest discount I’ve ever offered! Make sure you snag your favorite painting by Tuesday 11/27 because the offer expires at midnight.

The post Home as a Healing Space appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

I wanted to sound out my sorrows on my grand piano and play with my new art supplies. I had just started dabbling in watercolor painting and loved the pleasure and power I felt when I was busy creating.

I wanted to take up space.

But my partner quickly shut me down when I shared my vision with him. “The piano is too big,” he said.

And just like that, I abdicated my power. I had already given up my right to park in the driveway in order to claim the upstairs office for my wedding photography business. This new dream seemed costly, and I didn’t want to pay the price.

At night, I had a recurring dream of painting that empty room but bleeding out on the floor in childbirth before it was finished. I would wake up in a sweat, a thick, gloomy frustration lingering like a black cloud on the days following the dream.

No matter how much my partner tried to control the size of my desires, I hungered for expansion. I couldn’t ignore my ever-growing longing to take up space.

I wanted more space of my own to lose myself to creating, feeling, and imagining. This longing was alive and growing, like a child within my womb that would soon need to emerge.

I finally said “yes” to myself and vowed to never again forfeit my right to take up space.

I left my partner and began my healing journey.

My healing was neither easy nor linear. Sometimes, I felt I was worse off than when I was in my relationship. On those days the expansive skies and unfenced pastures of my life felt overwhelming, and I longed for the cage I had known.

But I persisted. One step forward, two steps back, and still I expanded.

I moved to four zip codes in twelve months, taking up more physical space with each new residence. Though I always had at least one room to myself, I had no designated soulful space to create. So I painted on porches, in bars, on first dates in public places, and on the sides of mountains. 

I moved again, this time with a roommate and her dog. I painted in the sunroom, building a barricade to keep the pets from stepping in wet paint (which they sometimes breached). I longed for a creative room of my own, with doors I could close. I hired a business coach and built a new website. I applied for artist residencies and got denied. I applied for artist grants and got denied again.

But I kept creating, dreaming, expanding. I continued to take up space.

I spilled my jar of ultramarine blue ink on the carpet and nailed holes into every wall to hang my work up. I filled up Every. Damn. Inch. of that 40 square-foot sunroom with my paintings and boudoir photography. By day I edited LGBTQ weddings on my iMac, and by night I flung paint onto blank canvases.

I kept applying for grants and putting out feelers for studio space. I didn’t stop allowing myself to take up space.

Last fall I got a text from my dear friend Lis about an art studio opening in Durham with Horse & Buggy Press and Friends. “This space is perfect for you,” she told me.

My jaw dropped. I had been searching for studio space for six months. I had just missed the deadline for a studio with Artspace, and I had decided to grin and bear it; I would apply again next March.

Lis told me the studio was near East Campus in the hip part of town, located a few blocks away from where I lived with my abusive partner. But it was 5 times larger than my sunroom, and had doors I could close. And it had a gallery in the front, where I could sell my art.

And it was within my budget.

I texted Dave, the owner, immediately. “It’s exactly what I’m looking for,” I told him.

Two weeks later, he gave me the key to my new studio.

I moved in to my new studio this week, on the night of the full moon, three years after embarking on my healing journey after abuse.

As I hung up my fine art boudoir photographs on one wall, my Dreamscape Collection of abstract paintings on another, I erupted into silly, joyful fits of laughter.

I wasn’t weeping anymore. I wasn’t just surviving. I was thriving. And it felt fucking fantastic.

After unpacking the last box of art supplies, I lit incense, lay down on the cold concrete studio floor, and marveled at this enormous physical space that was fully mine, that represented the psychic and creative space I had birthed, nurtured, and tended to so persistently over these last three years.

I couldn’t help but think back three years to that empty room in my house. I hadn’t filled it up then because I didn’t know that I deserved to take up space. I had carried grief over this for three years, and I was finally ready to let it go.

I had completely, totally, finally demolished that empty room. And erected something sturdier that could fit the fullness of my dreams.

I had finally grown accustomed to taking up space instead of apologizing for the size of my desires.

What space do you need for yourself today, this week, this season, to feel comfortable?

Whether its a basement room where you nerd out over your rock collection or an off-site science lab where you conduct your academic research, you deserve all the space you need to tend to your version of creative, soulful living.

I invite you to not give up on your dreams. Your desires are not too big. You deserve safety and autonomy. You deserve a space of your own to do whatever lights you up.

You deserve to take up space.

And it doesn’t have to pay the bills to be legit. This physical studio does not make me an artist. I’m an artist because I compost my pain and create beauty from it. This studio is just the incubator for my dreams, my tears, my imaginings, my paintings, my varied embodiments of my pain, my Truth.

Want to take up space with me? Join me on Thursday, February 28 at my new studio for my first art reception of 2019! 

I’ll have my work up in the gallery for a 10-day pop-up show and am so stoked to share the goodness with you and show off my space. Entrance is free, and I’ll have snacks + wine for my guests. Come on by after work for happy hour and happy night of art!

The Details:

• Thursday, February 28 from 5-8pm
• Horse & Buggy Press and Friends 
• 1116 Broad Street, Suite 101, Durham, NC 27705

RSVP to my art reception here!

The post How I Said Yes to Myself and Began to Take Up Space Like I Deserved appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

They helped me heal in an unexpected way when I was sick and weak, wandering through a Southwest desert.

Here’s the story:

I had just left my ex and devoted the last four months to therapy, support group, and recovery. I was tired of thinking about abuse. I wanted to gorge on inspiration, love, and light.

So I packed my bags and booked a plane ticket out West. I planned on hiking in the saguaro desert by day and drinking in the starlit sky by night.

“This trip helped me heal!” I imagined my future self dreamily declaring.

But I wasn’t prepared for my grief to follow me. I cried constantly at my friend’s house where I was staying; I couldn’t sleep.

Neither of us felt prepared for my fragility. So three days into my trip, she delivered the bitter blow: I needed to find another place to stay.

Ashamed, I booked an Airbnb and immediately moved into a fiber artist’s cottage. Tama’s bookshelves overflowed with volumes on tinctures, weaving, and hiking trails of the Southwest. Her pet rabbit, Lola, scampered around the red and teal house during the day, unfazed by my incessant crying.

Tama is a fiber artist, Nia instructor, and yogi who approached creativity from a holistic perspective. Her home studio overflowed with colorful felt patterns, yoga mats, and all sorts of wearable art. It was my first up-close-and-personal look into an artist’s life, and the healthy mind-body connection her space encouraged struck me. Even my guest room had yoga mats, and she invited me to put them to use as much as I wanted.

My body finally caught up with my grief, and I got sick. Tama brewed teas to reduce my fever and invited me to sit with her on her couch. I told her how I had come to the desert to find joy, and it wasn’t. fucking. working.

Tama encouraged me to engage in gentle, mindful exercise as I healed. Despite having taken dance classes after college, I was a beginner when it came to yoga. When I shared this with Tama, she invited me to dance for her.

Normally, I feel super self-conscious dancing for anyone (Unless I’m in a bustling dance class where I can hide in the back, I prefer the solitude of an empty dance studio). But I had just learned a beautiful dance in my contemporary dance class back in Durham, and I felt the strong urge to share it with Tama. (My dance instructor, Shaleigh Comerford, set the choreo to the heartbreakingly beautiful song, “Song for Zula” by Phosphoresence.)

I credit Tama with making me feel comfortable enough to expose this side of myself. With her prompting, I cast my self-consciousness aside, turned the song on, and felt my creative soul come back to life.

My time with Tama was an initiation: from victimhood to survivorship, from feeling chained to my grief to learning how to gently coexist with it. Tama was an angel, mother, and muse all at once. She taught me how to hold space for my pain.

On my last day, Tama gave me her dog-eared copy of Women Who Run with The Wolves, a book I had snagged off her shelf and started reading in between coughing fits. It would later become my spiritual roadmap—the ticket out of my “stuckness” into soulful living. I’ve read it cover to cover twice now and sent copies to friends during their own life crises.

Tama’s warmth and graciousness towards me, a stranger in her house, helped me heal.

Who is a stranger you’ve encountered that forever altered your path? How did they hold space for your pain or fear?

The post How a Stranger and a Rabbit Helped Me Heal | Woman Crush Wednesday appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

So I sat down and journaled about this. And ended up writing ten pages.

When I looked down at my list, what struck me most is this: all my influencers are women. Every. Single. One. 

From personal mentors to strangers at the grocery store. Even the fictional stories that have touched me the most starred girls and goddesses, saints and sorceresses, women and witches.

It’s not insignificant that all of my creative influencers are women.

My journey towards developing my worldview, chasing my calling as a creator, and shaping my personal brand has been decades long. It began when I was unruly and wild, six years old with messy hair and huge pink glasses that wouldn’t stay up on my teeny nose.

I spoke my longing the only way I knew how- through art. I would draw pictures of castles and orphan girls while stately white men white men in stiff suits delivered sermons that went way over my head.

Women weren’t given a voice in my community, so I created them from scratch to fill the void.

In my conservative childhood circle, women couldn’t preach or teach. Even the books we studied were written exclusively by men. Every now and then my pastors preached about influential women. But even then, those women served as supporting characters to the real male heroes of the stories.

I learned from an early age to hide my voice and submit to the louder, conventionally smarter men in my life. I felt mistrusting of my own feelings and starving for a worldview that encompassed my experience. I was searching for the Divine Feminine.

So how did I get from those stiff church pews to here: sprawled on my sun-soaked bed in my crop top and cuttoffs, effortlessly listing dozens of badass women who have nurtured my voice? And who are these women? What are their creations? What are their stories? How did they get there?

These questions feel so important to me that I’ve decided to devote every Wednesday to a woman influencer in my life.

Every last Wednesday on my Instagram and blog, I’ll share a post about the women in my life who have most deeply influenced my path as a creative. I plan on doing this until I run out of names….which means I’ll be doing this indefinitely. Because there are that many queens who have changed me.

Wanna learn more?

Follow me on Instagram, or sign up for mailing list to receive my weekly newsletter which will feature this new series.

How do you feel about this idea? Who are your women role models? Who do you hope to see featured in my new series? Sound off in the comments below!

The post All My Creative Influencers are Women | Woman Crush Wednesday appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

Here’s the story of how I found healing through boudoir photography.

I asked my friend (and Spring Boudoir Extravaganza collaborator!) Lis Tyroler to photograph me this year. This 30 second video sums up our friendship pretty well:

We were attending a photography conference together in Nashville and wanted to experiment with everything we were learning about boudoir photography. I had only done one other boudoir session for the camera and found it an empowering experience, and I was eager to undress for the camera again.

The first time Lis photographed me, it was a train-wreck. Here’s a photo from it:

We both felt rushed since we were trying to squeeze in 20 minutes of boudoir photos before heading to an evening class. I wasn’t clear with myself or with Lis on what I wanted to achieve/explore in my session, and we hadn’t taken time to establish rapport. I wasn’t even wearing my own lingerie- I didn’t feel like myself. And an innocuous comment about my nervous laughter while posing on the bed sent me into a shame spiral.

I shut down. I felt the furthest away from experiencing healing through boudoir photography.

Lis put the camera down, and we halted our session.We both felt frustrated with ourselves, we both felt like failures.

I got dressed, and as we walked together to our next class (aptly named “The Psychology of Boudoir,” which focused on how women find healing through photography), we talked about what had just happened. We were both emotional and honest with one another. It was an important turning point.

After class, we ate good food, drank some wine, and decided to start over.

Round 2 that evening was so much better. I felt looser with the wine and knew more of what I wanted to explore in my session: I wanted to feel playful, joyful, sexy. I wanted to wear my own lingerie. So I put on Miley Cyrus, did somersaults on the hotel bed in my lingerie, and unleashed my inner goofball.

I had fun. I communicated a lot more with Lis, and I didn’t shut down. Round 2 was a success, and it could have stopped there and been a great experience.

But I was about to embark on a journey that would provide even deeper healing through boudoir photography.

On our road trip home, we got stranded in Asheville during a snowstorm. After being on the road for six days, I felt ungrounded and anxious to get home. I missed my boyfriend and my cat. I missed sleeping in my own bed. And I missed my space.

So I took a bath- which is where I feel most centered- and asked Lis to photograph me.

This boudoir experience was completely different than the previous two. It didn’t feel like boudoir, because I wasn’t performing for the camera- I wasn’t trying to channel anything other than a feeling of being at-one with my body, spirit, emotions.

I’ve always loved the water- I feel connected to my California roots when I’m in water. I take baths when I’m feeling depressed, feeling overworked, needing space to download all of my emotions, or needing soothing from period cramps and stressed-out muscles. The water is where I go for healing, and for prayer.

Though conscious of Lis’s camera at first, I surprisingly got used to her presence and even welcomed it! It was nice to share my bath-time routine with someone else, and together we got into a flow.

Lis showed me the back of her camera while I was still in the bathtub, and I started crying halfway through.

When I saw this photo of myself- looking into the camera but so at peace with myself, I lost it. I had finally found healing through boudoir photography.

She saw I was crying, and she put the camera down. We talked about it. I felt myself let go of pain I had been holding onto for years about my body, my sexuality, my worth. I told her how good it felt to be seen for me- to be photographed where I felt most at ease with myself- and to not be performative for the camera, a lover, a partner. To just be me.

Here’s what this was:

“To try to heal the body alone is to collaborate in the destruction of the body. Healing is impossible in loneliness, it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. The fatal sickness is despair, a wound that cannot be healed because it is encapsulated in loneliness, surrounded by speechlessness. We must go to the wilderness of creation to be reborn.”  -Wendell Berry

There’s a lot to unpack in this favorite quote of mine: the transformative power of being seen by others, the communal nature of healing, the creative life force that we tap into when we are creating something together.

There’s something so powerful in being seen. It has the opportunity to bring you healing. It helps you own your story: all of it- the victories you jubilantly share with the world, the regret you reserve for your private journals, your shame, your bliss.

My eating-disordered ego wants me to hide my shame and purge my “excessive” emotions. But when I saw my portrait on the back of Lis’s camera, I saw ALL of me- the good and the bad. I felt myself get put back together that much more. I felt whole. It was clear as day: I saw me, and I loved me.

As it relates to my story about these 3 different boudoir experiences: what started out as a fun experiment (undressing for the camera in our hotel room to fight off boredom!) turned into something much more powerful. These first two stories would have been great in and of themselves- I learned a bit more about myself and what makes me feel comfortable in both. But this third bathtub session hit on something much deeper. Lis and I had established a deep rapport by the end of our trip: we had both seen each other cry, we had seen each other early in the morning with crazy bedhair. That made all the difference. I felt safe enough with her to let my guard down and let the camera in.

After going through these 3 sessions, especially the first, I know how important it is to help my clients feel their best, to not be rushed, and to ensure they feel safe in my presence. I’ve learned this firsthand from being on the other side of the camera, and I understand how important it is to come away from boudoir not only having great photos, but feeling great about your experience. I want the session to feel successful, safe, and FUN for you. Your pre-session Discovery Worksheet and consult will provide a solid foundation for us to build on in your session. I’ll listen to your hopes and hesitations, and together we’ll make magic.

It’s not that different from how I feel with Carol, my therapist of seven years. I know that when I enter Carol’s plant-filled office, I can breathe, cry, scream, let out whatever I need to explore in that one-hour session, in the safety of her presence, confined by the walls. With Lis, I felt something very a similar. I was able to let go, be vulnerable, and find healing.

Boudoir photography has the power to transform. To give your ideas wings, your lips words, to help you see just how awesome you are, how much power for good is at your disposal. Art is balm for your wounds, fuel for your fire.

If you can’t see yourself, how can you love yourself? Your whole self? The good, the bad, the beautiful?

Come experience healing through boudoir photography!

I’m hosting a Spring into Boudoir Extravaganza with my soul sista Lis Romine Tyroler, and we have limited spaces available.

Whether you’ve always wanted to try boudoir—or feel super nervous about it—this is the perfect opportunity to dip your toe in the waters.

When & Where

Saturday & Sunday, April 28-29 at Restoring Balance in Straw Valley in Durham

Your Boudoir Session Includes

• 1 Discovery Session, where you’ll fill out an online worksheet to identify what you want to explore during your session and any hesitations you may have. We’ll connect by phone or in person to review your answers, at least 48 hours before your session.
• 1 hour Hair & Makeup pampering before the shoot with our fab stylists
• 1 hour photoshoot in the outfit of your choosing
• Photo + Product Selection Session, where you’ll reflect on your experience and pick out your favorite photos for your fine art prints and albums.

How Much?

$325 for the session fee and you must order $175 minimum in products (gorgeous prints, books, etc.). We’ll have beautiful samples for you to look at before your shoot!

Think this could be for you? Have more questions? Schedule your phone consultation now + receive a product guide!

The post Healing through Boudoir Photography | What I Learned About Myself in Three Different Boudoir Sessions appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

My first boudoir session (as a model instead of a photographer!) was during a relationship that was quickly going south. I needed to take control of my sexuality… and also take my mind off things. 

So I played naked in a sunflower field with my lovely photography associate Bri Brough, laughed the most I had in months, and did jetés barefoot in the wet dirt.

For me, boudoir photography is about reclaiming my Self and exploring those parts that have been wounded or buried deep, bringing them above ground to tend to and love. It’s an investment in my body, psyche, and soul. It’s an investment in my story, and I’m the author.

For me, boudoir photography is about the transformative power of being seen.

I picked out my favorite portraits and printed them all, framing the two biggest and hanging them over my bed so I could see them every day. I would invite Tinder dates over that fall, and some of the guys would point at my nude portraits, asking why on earth I had pictures of just me up on my wall. But I needed to make a shrine to myself in my bedroom, my sacred space.

I needed to experience the power of being seen. I needed to see myself.

This is what I love about boudoir photography. It’s an emotional journey that starts long before the session and lasts well after the last shutter click. I look at these photos every day, above my bed, and see something different each time. I see me.

Many of my boudoir clients have been nervous before their shoot, but together we worked through those emotions, and they came away from the session feeling more relaxed and excited to see the photographs we created together.

Deciding to hire a boudoir photographer, anticipating the shoot, setting intentions for what you want to explore, experiencing the shoot itself, the first reveal of your photos, then seeing the photos you printed…it’s an emotional journey that isn’t instantaneous.

Being vulnerable takes courage. And I’ve found that you can’t wait for the fear to subside.

You just have to take the plunge and discover something about yourself that you’ll come to treasure.

Will you join me?

Saturday and Sunday, April 14-15, I’m hosting a Spring Boudoir Extravaganza at the luxurious King’s Daughters Inn in Durham.

I invite you to come play, be pampered, and invest in your own story. Whether you’ve always wanted to try boudoir—or feel super nervous about it—this is the perfect opportunity to take the plunge.

Your Boudoir Session Includes

• 1 hour of hair & makeup pampering with our two assistants Crystal + Veronica (we’ll have bubbly for ya!)
• 1 hour photoshoot in the outfit of your choosing
• 45 minutes of reviewing your photos and picking out your faves, which we’ll order right there so you’ll have them in time for V-Day/G-day

Investment?

The session fee is $500 + $125 minimum in prints/other products.

Intrigued? Have questions? Shoot me a message at studio@courtney-potter.com. I would love to connect with you!

The post The Power of Being Seen | My First Boudoir Session appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.