This week, I’m getting personal with you. I want to share a story about how three boudoir sessions over the course of a week helped heal a very wounded part of myself just a little more. I found healing through boudoir photography; the camera shed light on those parts that needed healing, and helped transform them.

Here’s the story of how I found healing through boudoir photography.

I asked my friend (and Spring Boudoir Extravaganza collaborator!) Lis Tyroler to photograph me this year. This 30 second video sums up our friendship pretty well:

We were attending a photography conference together in Nashville and wanted to experiment with everything we were learning about boudoir photography. I had only done one other boudoir session for the camera and found it an empowering experience, and I was eager to undress for the camera again.

The first time Lis photographed me, it was a train-wreck. Here’s a photo from it:

It’s not a bad photo, but I feel so self-conscious in it and disconnected from my body that it makes me not like the resulting image as much.

We both felt rushed since we were trying to squeeze in 20 minutes of boudoir photos before heading to an evening class. I wasn’t clear with myself or with Lis on what I wanted to achieve/explore in my session, and we hadn’t taken time to establish rapport. I wasn’t even wearing my own lingerie- I didn’t feel like myself. And an innocuous comment about my nervous laughter while posing on the bed sent me into a shame spiral.

I shut down. I felt the furthest away from experiencing healing through boudoir photography.

Lis put the camera down, and we halted our session.We both felt frustrated with ourselves, we both felt like failures.

I got dressed, and as we walked together to our next class (aptly named “The Psychology of Boudoir,” which focused on how women find healing through photography), we talked about what had just happened. We were both emotional and honest with one another. It was an important turning point.

Selfie from dinner- it was fun to take our minds off things.

After class, we ate good food, drank some wine, and decided to start over.

Round 2 that evening was so much better. I felt looser with the wine and knew more of what I wanted to explore in my session: I wanted to feel playful, joyful, sexy. I wanted to wear my own lingerie. So I put on Miley Cyrus, did somersaults on the hotel bed in my lingerie, and unleashed my inner goofball.

I had fun. I communicated a lot more with Lis, and I didn’t shut down. Round 2 was a success, and it could have stopped there and been a great experience.

But I was about to embark on a journey that would provide even deeper healing through boudoir photography.

On our road trip home, we got stranded in Asheville during a snowstorm. After being on the road for six days, I felt ungrounded and anxious to get home. I missed my boyfriend and my cat. I missed sleeping in my own bed. And I missed my space.

So I took a bath- which is where I feel most centered- and asked Lis to photograph me.

I put on my favorite bath-time relaxation playlist (Gregory Alan Isakov + Iron and Wine), and focused on the water.

This boudoir experience was completely different than the previous two. It didn’t feel like boudoir, because I wasn’t performing for the camera- I wasn’t trying to channel anything other than a feeling of being at-one with my body, spirit, emotions.

I’ve always loved the water- I feel connected to my California roots when I’m in water. I take baths when I’m feeling depressed, feeling overworked, needing space to download all of my emotions, or needing soothing from period cramps and stressed-out muscles. The water is where I go for healing, and for prayer.

The photos of me in the bath are SO different than the photos from our first two sessions. I look so comfortable, sensual, relaxed.

Though conscious of Lis’s camera at first, I surprisingly got used to her presence and even welcomed it! It was nice to share my bath-time routine with someone else, and together we got into a flow.

Lis showed me the back of her camera while I was still in the bathtub, and I started crying halfway through.

When I saw this photo of myself- looking into the camera but so at peace with myself, I lost it. I had finally found healing through boudoir photography.

I felt like I was seeing myself through loving eyes- as Lis sees me, as the Divine Mother sees me. It was so different than how I usually see myself: too fat, too thin, too muscular, not muscular enough, too this, too that. Never enough. I see myself through such judgmental eyes so much of the time…and this was such a contrast.

She saw I was crying, and she put the camera down. We talked about it. I felt myself let go of pain I had been holding onto for years about my body, my sexuality, my worth. I told her how good it felt to be seen for me- to be photographed where I felt most at ease with myself- and to not be performative for the camera, a lover, a partner. To just be me.

Here’s what this was:

“To try to heal the body alone is to collaborate in the destruction of the body. Healing is impossible in loneliness, it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. The fatal sickness is despair, a wound that cannot be healed because it is encapsulated in loneliness, surrounded by speechlessness. We must go to the wilderness of creation to be reborn.” -Wendell Berry

There’s a lot to unpack in this favorite quote of mine: the transformative power of being seen by others, the communal nature of healing, the creative life force that we tap into when we are creating something together.

There’s something so powerful in being seen. It has the opportunity to bring you healing. It helps you own your story: all of it- the victories you jubilantly share with the world, the regret you reserve for your private journals, your shame, your bliss.

My eating-disordered ego wants me to hide my shame and purge my “excessive” emotions. But when I saw my portrait on the back of Lis’s camera, I saw ALL of me- the good and the bad. I felt myself get put back together that much more. I felt whole. It was clear as day: I saw me, and I loved me.

As it relates to my story about these 3 different boudoir experiences: what started out as a fun experiment (undressing for the camera in our hotel room to fight off boredom!) turned into something much more powerful. These first two stories would have been great in and of themselves- I learned a bit more about myself and what makes me feel comfortable in both. But this third bathtub session hit on something much deeper. Lis and I had established a deep rapport by the end of our trip: we had both seen each other cry, we had seen each other early in the morning with crazy bedhair. That made all the difference. I felt safe enough with her to let my guard down and let the camera in.

After going through these 3 sessions, especially the first, I know how important it is to help my clients feel their best, to not be rushed, and to ensure they feel safe in my presence. I’ve learned this firsthand from being on the other side of the camera, and I understand how important it is to come away from boudoir not only having great photos, but feeling great about your experience. I want the session to feel successful, safe, and FUN for you. Your pre-session Discovery Worksheet and consult will provide a solid foundation for us to build on in your session. I’ll listen to your hopes and hesitations, and together we’ll make magic.

Lis in the morning hotel light, video chatting her kids.

It’s not that different from how I feel with Carol, my therapist of seven years. I know that when I enter Carol’s plant-filled office, I can breathe, cry, scream, let out whatever I need to explore in that one-hour session, in the safety of her presence, confined by the walls. With Lis, I felt something very a similar. I was able to let go, be vulnerable, and find healing.

Boudoir photography has the power to transform. To give your ideas wings, your lips words, to help you see just how awesome you are, how much power for good is at your disposal. Art is balm for your wounds, fuel for your fire.

If you can’t see yourself, how can you love yourself? Your whole self? The good, the bad, the beautiful?

Come experience healing through boudoir photography!

I’m hosting a Spring into Boudoir Extravaganza with my soul sista Lis Romine Tyroler, and we have limited spaces available.

Whether you’ve always wanted to try boudoir—or feel super nervous about it—this is the perfect opportunity to dip your toe in the waters.

When & Where

Saturday & Sunday, April 28-29 at Restoring Balance in Straw Valley in Durham

Your Boudoir Session Includes

1 Discovery Session, where you’ll fill out an online worksheet to identify what you want to explore during your session and any hesitations you may have. We’ll connect by phone or in person to review your answers, at least 48 hours before your session.
1 hour Hair & Makeup pampering before the shoot with our fab stylists
1 hour photoshoot in the outfit of your choosing
Photo + Product Selection Session, where you’ll reflect on your experience and pick out your favorite photos for your fine art prints and albums.

How Much?

$325 for the session fee and you must order $175 minimum in products (gorgeous prints, books, etc.). We’ll have beautiful samples for you to look at before your shoot!

Think this could be for you? Have more questions? Schedule your phone consultation now + receive a product guide!

Healing through Boudoir Photography | What I Learned About Myself in Three Different Boudoir Sessions