It’s been 3 years since I got my art supplies out of the garage, brushed off the dust that had accumulated, and started painting big again.

There have been so many times since that day that I’ve doubted my ability to make it as an artist. But this week, as I celebrate my solo show at my studio space with Horse & Buggy Press & Friends, I am reminded that my dreams are worth nurturing. And that I have more manifesting abilities than I ever realized.

I am healing trauma through art, growing into the person I’ve always wanted to be.

On Friday I set up my painting display on the gallery wall at Horse & Buggy Press & Friends.

When I hung the last painting, I felt a wave of energy pulse through me.

33 pieces of artwork I’ve made in just 2 years stood before me. All for sale and ready to find their future owners.

I felt amazed at just how much beauty I had created.

Every single painting on this wall holds emotional significance for me. There’s something deeply satisfying about seeing them all in one place. As painful and difficult as my trauma recovery has been, these paintings highlight all the passion, joy, and color I’ve manifested in my life since leaving my abuser and beginning to paint.

Each painting on this gallery wall tells a powerful story of my healing after trauma. The act of expressing myself through my art allowed me to release my emotions and embrace joy, in hope that you can too.

There’s the painting that started it all — my full moon ocean scene.

One week after I painted this symbol of illumination, intuition, and the Divine Feminine, I woke up to the abuse I was experiencing in my life. I summoned the strength to listen to my intuition, and I left my relationship and began rebuilding my life.

My floral paintings celebrate the promise of new life. Painting them helped me reject a scarcity mindset– that I am not enough–and claim abundance.

After leaving my relationship, I noticed that I felt joy when I painted. So instead of waiting for the feeling to happen, I brought that joy with me everywhere I went.

I painted flowers on porches, in bars, on first dates in public places, and on the sides of mountains.

A gladiolus for strength. Roses for new beginnings. Poppies for magic-making.

By painting flowers, I meditated on beauty, and made that beauty available to you to enjoy. Instead of dwelling on my painful past, I released it. I embraced joy, so that you can too.

 

And there’s “Emergence,” the painting I made in 2017 when I was coming to terms with the sexual trauma I had endured that kept me afraid of expressing my queer identity.

I wanted to feel pride in my authentic self instead of the shame that was engrained in me growing up in a fundamentalist evangelical community. I wanted to come out of the closet, even though I felt afraid of being judged. Even though I still judged myself.

So to manifest courage in my outer world, I slapped reds and blacks, teals and golds onto a blank canvas. I masterfully shaped my art with the same confidence, playfulness, and autonomy that I wanted to give to my sexual identity and self-expression.

Let’s not forget the sweet trio of watercolor spirit animals I painted while traveling throughout the South last summer.

I painted the lion with my childhood friend Julie in her new house in Texas, flinging paint around with her twin boys.

Ten days later I would drive down to Georgia with my partner Adam to adopt our kitten, Thorn, and swim in the ocean at night under a full moon with my love. I painted the tiger at a coffeeshop that week, next to Adam as we dreamed up kitten names together.

Then there’s all the paintings I made with my friend Jill, who died a few months ago.

I love those first watercolors I painted by her side at my kitchen table in my Bachelor Girl Pad, my new kitten Calypso at our feet batting at my markers.

There’s the orange and pink fluid painting that resembled a gemstone she loved, that I made at her suggestion. Then there’s the weeping elephant on canvas, my expression of my grief over her death, a testament of my love for her.

And then there’s those paintings I made with my middle school boys during their fluid painting unit this winter.

I now worked at my dream job teaching middle school art. A job that solidified my desire to step into this new part of my calling. It’s time for me to help others tap into their own treasure troves of creativity.

I remember how the boys’ eyes widened in anticipation as I poured blues and greens onto a canvas. Together we watched the colors swirl and drip off the sides. Later they would display their very own pour paintings in an art exhibition at school. And they would feel proud.

These are just a few of the stories the pop out at me when I gaze at these paintings on my gallery display. But there are so many more.

I’m excited about all the paintings that have yet to be created and shared with you, so paradormirmejor.org that we can heal from life’s difficulties together and meditate on beauty.

Art is my compass.

It guides me to my deepest truth. It carried me to freedom from abuse. It illuminates my way when the whole world around me feels filled with darkness.

I paint to find my own healing. To understand wounds, to release pain, to embrace joy.

And I paint for you. To remind you of your own power. Your own truth. To bring light and color and inspiration into your own dark places.  

May these paintings help you unleash your wild spirit self and connect you to your creative impulses. For your creativity will steer you back to yourself when you feel lost.

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Want to exchange more stories of healing trauma and embracing joy through art?

Join me on Thursday 2/28 for my first art reception of 2019. I’ll have my paintings up in the gallery at Horse & Buggy Press & Friends for a 10 day pop-up show and am so stoked to share the goodness with you.

Entrance is free, and I’ll have snacks + wine for my guests. Come on by after work for happy hour and a happy night of art and creativity!

The Details:

• Thursday 2/28 @ 5-8pm
• Horse & Buggy Press
• 1116 Broad St. Suite 101, Durham NC 27705

RSVP to my art reception here!