Embracing your authentic self is hard at any age. But what about when you’re a preteen, in over your head at a new middle school? How do you embrace your authentic self when all you want to do is hide?
I was 12, and I had just lived through the worst year of my life, watching my childhood friends obsess over boys and boobs when all I wanted to do was crochet and write short stories about my Barbies.
I felt like something in me was deeply broken for not finding pleasure in what my peers pursued. So I learned to change myself. I traded in my passions for perfection. I replaced thriving with striving.
But obsessions don’t feed our souls the way deep creative play does.
My middle school counselor, Tracey, was the first woman I met who delighted in the real me. She taught me all about the concept of embracing your authentic self.
She was young and energetic with a rebellious streak, and I felt cooler from the fact that she LIKED spending time with me. I would escape the gaggle of girlish cliques and burping boys to eat lunch on the floor of her office, just the two of us.
Her small, windowless room somehow exuded so much warmth, and I learned to ground myself there. I made Tracey listen to my favorite Radiohead songs- which I found utterly profound in the way that artsy middle school students do— and often cried with her about my longing for the deep soul fulfillment I felt I lacked.
On my saddest days, Tracey let me stay past the lunch bell. I would sob in my self-flagellating way about how messed up I am. She’d look at me with her firm, kind eyes and tell me that my sensitivity was a gift—that I was deep, sharp as a tack, and able to see through the bullshit of middle school. She’d end our time together saying, “Miss Courtney, you’re pretty cool,” and write me a pass to my next class.
Tracey taught me to embrace the pot of gold in my toughest personality traits. To this day, whenever I feel like I’m “too sensitive” or “too much,” I hear her wise and gracious voice, encouraging me to be my wild, wrestling, unleashed self.
Who is one of the first voices that you remember from childhood that still pops into your head? What did you learn from them about embracing your authentic self?
Each Wednesday on my Instagram and blog, I’ll share a post about the women in my life who have most deeply influenced my path as a creative. I plan on doing this until I run out of names….which means I’ll be doing this indefinitely. Because there are that many queens who have changed me.
Wanna learn more?
Follow me on Instagram, or sign up for mailing list to receive my weekly newsletter which will feature this new series.
How do you feel about this idea? Who are your women role models? How did they help you with embracing yourself authentic self? Who do you hope to see featured in my new series? Sound off in the comments below!
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