In past years, I’ve often felt stuck in my sadness over failed relationships and lost love.

This year, even though I am over the moon about my relationship to my partner and the love we’ve found and partnership we’ve built, I am remembering my friend Jill who recently passed, and am missing her.

And I’m thinking about elephants.

I know, that’s a weird thing to be thinking about on a day that celebrates heteronormative romance.

Let me back up and explain.

I spent last Valentine’s Day with Jill on my couch, my cat Calypso on her lap. We had decided to eschew social norms that day by watching I, Tonya on Netflix, indulging our 90’s nostalgia and penchant for dark films. We even exchanged gifts

Neither of us felt like elevating romance over the intimacy we shared as close friends, so we made a date out of it.

It was a perfect Valentine’s Day with my friend. I didn’t know then that it would be our last holiday together.

2 weeks after Jill died, I made this elephant painting.

When Jill died, I hadn’t painted big in MONTHS and felt stuck in my sadness and overwhelm. I felt threatened by my big feelings and was running away from them instead of releasing them.

One day I woke up and knew that the only ticket out of my stuckness was returning to the easel — my safe space for honoring and expressing my feelings.

When I finished the painting, I felt the way I do after a really good run in the woods– breathless, flooded with contentment, connected to something larger than myself.

There wasn’t even space for grief in that moment. I just felt pure love for my friend, and I felt grateful for the time we had to love each other when she was alive.

It was only after I created this elephant painting that I would learn about the symbolism of the animal.

In India the animal is called Ganesh, a harbinger of happiness and health. People historically associate the elephant with the root chakra–our foundation.

When Jill died, my foundation felt imploded, but the act of painting this elephant helped me heal my grief and overwhelm just a little bit more.

With each brushstroke of this beautiful creature, I felt myself strengthen through her pure “elephantness.” Those elegant ears that take in messages from the herd, her prized tusks that defend her territory, those kind, wise eyes that recognize the pain of her kin and grieves when they die.

By painting my elephant I was giving myself permission to feel what I feel. And to not stay stuck in that. Jill would have wanted me to laugh again, and I felt determined to get there. I knew I had a right to joy, happiness, and health and that these were basic rights of all creatures on earth.

So this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re coupled up or broken up, straight or queer, aromantic or the world’s biggest romantic, I hope you know that you deserve love and joy, health and happiness. Surround yourself with those who feel like kin today. Feast on beauty.

Need an extra nudge? Head on over to my online painting gallery for a burst of color today. From peony bouquets to watercolor spirit animals, I’ve got lots of artwork for you to enjoy this V-day!

Prefer to see my work in person?

My pop up show at Horse & Buggy Press is just around the corner, and I’ll have lots of paintings for you to feast your eyes on (including this elephant painting and my large spirit animals!)

I’ve got FIVE events planned for you during my 10-day show: 4 chill open studio days on the weekends, and a more formal evening reception on Thursday 2/28.

THE DETAILS

• Pop-Up Show Dates: 2/23-3/3

• Horse & Buggy Press and Friends | 1116 Broad St. Suite 101, Durham, NC 27705

• Art Reception: Thursday 2/28 from 5-8pm

• Open Studios: Saturday 2/23, Sunday 2/24, Saturday 3/2, and Sunday 3/3 from 10am-3pm

Never been to Horse & Buggy Press and not sure where to go?

This sweet little gallery and studio space rests between Deeluxe Chicken and Watts Grocery on Broad Street right next to the School of Science and Math. You can park in either lot adjacent to the Watts Grocery building, or along the street.

(Bonus: Deeluxe Chicken has a killer friend chicken sandwich, and Watts Grocery has dank drinks. Go ahead and spend a coupla hours enjoying all that this side of town has to offer!)

The post Why I’m Celebrating V-Day with an Elephant Painting appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.