In past years, I’ve often felt stuck in my sadness over failed relationships and lost love.

This year, even though I am over the moon about my relationship to my partner and the love we’ve found and partnership we’ve built, I am remembering my friend Jill who recently passed, and am missing her.

And I’m thinking about elephants.

I know, that’s a weird thing to be thinking about on a day that celebrates heteronormative romance.

Let me back up and explain.

I spent last Valentine’s Day with Jill on my couch, my cat Calypso on her lap. We had decided to eschew social norms that day by watching I, Tonya on Netflix, indulging our 90’s nostalgia and penchant for dark films. We even exchanged gifts

Neither of us felt like elevating romance over the intimacy we shared as close friends, so we made a date out of it.

It was a perfect Valentine’s Day with my friend. I didn’t know then that it would be our last holiday together.

2 weeks after Jill died, I made this elephant painting.

When Jill died, I hadn’t painted big in MONTHS and felt stuck in my sadness and overwhelm. I felt threatened by my big feelings and was running away from them instead of releasing them.

One day I woke up and knew that the only ticket out of my stuckness was returning to the easel — my safe space for honoring and expressing my feelings.

When I finished the painting, I felt the way I do after a really good run in the woods– breathless, flooded with contentment, connected to something larger than myself.

There wasn’t even space for grief in that moment. I just felt pure love for my friend, and I felt grateful for the time we had to love each other when she was alive.

It was only after I created this elephant painting that I would learn about the symbolism of the animal.

In India the animal is called Ganesh, a harbinger of happiness and health. People historically associate the elephant with the root chakra–our foundation.

When Jill died, my foundation felt imploded, but the act of painting this elephant helped me heal my grief and overwhelm just a little bit more.

With each brushstroke of this beautiful creature, I felt myself strengthen through her pure “elephantness.” Those elegant ears that take in messages from the herd, her prized tusks that defend her territory, those kind, wise eyes that recognize the pain of her kin and grieves when they die.

By painting my elephant I was giving myself permission to feel what I feel. And to not stay stuck in that. Jill would have wanted me to laugh again, and I felt determined to get there. I knew I had a right to joy, happiness, and health and that these were basic rights of all creatures on earth.

So this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re coupled up or broken up, straight or queer, aromantic or the world’s biggest romantic, I hope you know that you deserve love and joy, health and happiness. Surround yourself with those who feel like kin today. Feast on beauty.

Need an extra nudge? Head on over to my online painting gallery for a burst of color today. From peony bouquets to watercolor spirit animals, I’ve got lots of artwork for you to enjoy this V-day!

Prefer to see my work in person?

My pop up show at Horse & Buggy Press is just around the corner, and I’ll have lots of paintings for you to feast your eyes on (including this elephant painting and my large spirit animals!)

I’ve got FIVE events planned for you during my 10-day show: 4 chill open studio days on the weekends, and a more formal evening reception on Thursday 2/28.

THE DETAILS

• Pop-Up Show Dates: 2/23-3/3

• Horse & Buggy Press and Friends | 1116 Broad St. Suite 101, Durham, NC 27705

• Art Reception: Thursday 2/28 from 5-8pm

• Open Studios: Saturday 2/23, Sunday 2/24, Saturday 3/2, and Sunday 3/3 from 10am-3pm

Never been to Horse & Buggy Press and not sure where to go?

This sweet little gallery and studio space rests between Deeluxe Chicken and Watts Grocery on Broad Street right next to the School of Science and Math. You can park in either lot adjacent to the Watts Grocery building, or along the street.

(Bonus: Deeluxe Chicken has a killer friend chicken sandwich, and Watts Grocery has dank drinks. Go ahead and spend a coupla hours enjoying all that this side of town has to offer!)

The post Why I’m Celebrating V-Day with an Elephant Painting appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

It wasn’t until I was in my late twenties that I embraced the concept of “falling in love with myself.”

At the time, I was unhappy in my hetero partnership and in the thick of a decades-long struggle with my eating disorder. Earlier that spring I had sought treatment for a bad spell of panic attacks and clinical depression. I hadn’t even considered that I was queer. I was just surviving.

Loving myself was a daily struggle: I felt distrust towards my body, always feeling incomplete instead of whole. Self-love wasn’t in my vocabulary; I didn’t think I had permission to focus on my own needs and desires.

But one summer, everything changed. It happened gradually at first, and then suddenly, before I was even aware of the change going on within.

So for this week’s Woman Crush Wednesday blog, I’m doing something a little bit different. I’d like to give you a peek inside the summer I began falling in love with myself.

This is one of my first ever self-portraits when I began my coming out process a few years ago. I didn’t realize at the time I was coming out, but my creative spirit sure knew, and the rest of me caught up later.

That summer I stopped wearing bras and started wearing bright, happy shades of Wet-n-Wild lipstick- fuchsias and tangerines. I bought my first crop top. I started doing pull-ups and took pride in my new growing biceps. I cursed like a sailor, smoked, and rode my bike everywhere. And I started painting.

To an outsider, I probably didn’t look “that” queer, or strong, or proud. But the shift felt remarkable for me.

For the first time in my decades-long struggle with my eating disorder and self-image, I felt happy in my own skin. I had finally quieted those voices in my head — remnants of an extremely conservative religious upbringing — that told me to not trust my body, not to be sexual, not to regard my Self.

That summer, I stopped caring so much about what others expected from me. I gave myself permission to put my own needs first. To value myself in the same way I valued my photography clients. To turn the camera on myself. To see myself, and to celebrate the beauty and complexity that I saw.

Coming out and falling in love with myself is something I’m still doing, and I’m not sure I want it to end.

I spent so much of my life making myself small, trying not to rock the boat. So making myself more visible now—first to myself, and then to others—takes sustained work. On the bad days, I still stifle my voice and dress “modestly” for fear of rejection—by loved ones and strangers alike.

But when I look at these self-portraits, I immediately access that quiet, still place: when I began living without justifying my actions to anyone—myself included. It feels expansive and full of promise. It feels authentic, joyful and easy.

To all my LGBTQ clients: Thank you. You are brave and beautiful. You inspire me to love authentically. You challenge me to stand up for myself and others, to speak up, to “come out” with my own truth and not just hide behind my camera.

Love has no labels. Whether you are straight, queer, polyamorous, or a relationship anarchist, I want to celebrate your personal expression of love and reflect your own beauty back to you through my art.

Photography is a powerful tool to help you see yourself, own your story, and fall deeper in love with the beautiful soul you see reflected back.

Whether you’re looking to explore your relationship to yourself through boudoir photography, or to your partner through LGBTQ wedding photography, I affirm your desire to grow in your love and express your unique self.

The post Falling in Love with Myself | Woman Crush Wednesday appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

From a self-officiated ceremony to an anarcho-feminist puppet show, their unconventional wedding reflected this couple’s authenticity.

Sara and Daniel wanted their day to be a celebration of a world that is more free, just, joyful, loving, and beautiful. And their wedding certainly did not miss the mark.

Read the Q&A below to learn more about Sara + Daniel’s inspiration for their unconventional wedding celebration.

Are you planning your own unconventional wedding? Come check out the Raleigh LGBTQ Wedding Expo on February 25.

This event is an amazing resource—not only if you’re LGBTQ—but also if you’re a hetero couple looking for LGBTQ-friendly vendors who share your values.

Everyone is welcome at this event—gay, hetero, single, curious—and there’ll be all types of vendors, from photographers like myself, to catering, music, and everything in between. Admission is free, click here for more info and to RSVP. I hope to see you there!

1. How did you meet and fall in love? I’d love to hear a little bit more of your story.

We met at Connecticut College when I was a freshman and Daniel was a sophomore.

We first interacted at a film showing against the war in Iraq that Daniel presented with the campus leftist group he started. I had seen Daniel around campus (who could miss his ridiculous mohawk?), but Daniel apparently got smitten with me after I made “a biting criticism of US foreign policy” (His words, not mine. I think he just thought I was cute).

After a couple of goofy missteps we connected, exchanged mix tapes, and started a fun, passionate relationship. We got a chance to spend a summer together in Mexico during different internships, and we bonded over delicious food and revolutionary politics.

Over the last eleven years we have lived together in Mexico, DC, and North Carolina, and we spent years apart while I worked/studied in Guatemala, Ecuador, and Philadelphia. Neither of us can pinpoint the moment when we realized that we are going to be life partners. In some ways I think we both always knew

2. You incorporated some really unique elements into your unconventional wedding day (Before you, I had never photographed a puppet show at a wedding!) Tell me about some of these personal touches and the inspiration behind it.

It was very important for us that each element of our unconventional wedding day felt authentic to our relationship, heritage, and values. We are two folks that like to question authority and the status quo, so it makes sense that we tried to spin wedding traditions into something that felt representative of us.

We chose to officiate our own wedding because both of us are atheists, but we wanted to make sure that some of our closest friends and family members could contribute to the ceremony.

Our close friends are in a puppet troupe, the Mysterious Rabbit Puppet Army, and they offered to write and perform a puppet show for us our wedding. The puppeteers knew that I am obsessed with my cats, so they made them the narrators of this sweet anarcho-feminist puppet show. It was amazing!

3. What was your favorite part of your unconventional wedding day?

Both of us agreed that our favorite part of the wedding day was dancing the final dance while a huge group of our friends encircled us. Our DJ, Alex DB, played “Maps” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, which was on the first mixed CD I gave to Daniel. Daniel and I both cried our eyes out while our friends hugged us. It was really moving.

4. What factors other than photos went into your decision on a unconventional wedding photographer? Why did you pick me?

We wanted someone who would seem comfortable with some of our nontraditional choices. You were more than game and were very validating of our choices. You also seemed relaxed and confident.

5. Your photography package included an engagement session. What was it like to work with me during this? Did it make the wedding day easier in terms of nerves about photography or what to expect from our collaboration?

I was really not looking forward to the engagement shoot. I was very nervous because I don’t really enjoy getting my picture taken, but you made me feel at ease. Your directions helped me focus on Daniel and our relationship, rather than whether I looked good enough.

6. What is the first thing you want to do with the images from your unconventional wedding? 

We want to re-experience our unconventional wedding through your amazing photos!

7. What is next for you as a couple? Any big plans?

It’s been almost difficult going back to our normal routine considering we had such a wonderful unconventional wedding day! This fall we’re traveling to Vietnam and Laos. We’re excited to go on an adventure together.

8. Now that you are seasoned wedding planners, what advice do you have for other couples planning an unconventional wedding?

Be playful! Many traditional wedding elements conflict with our radical feminist sensibilities. We kept the traditions we liked, and we re-imagined or tossed the traditions we did not like.

Sara and Daniel, thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your day. There are times when photographing events feels like heavy labor, but this felt like child’s play- and I owe that to the environment of playfulness and imagination that you created. It was truly one of the most enjoyable celebrations I have ever witnessed. Thank you!

A shout-out to all our fab vendors for making this day possible:

Wedding Planner: RedBird Events

Photography Assistant: Katy Folk

Puppet Show: Mysterious Rabbit Puppet Army

Bride’s Dress: BHLDN

Shoes: Swedish Hasbeens

Groom’s Clothing: Ted Baker

Florist: Teacup Floral

Ice Cream: The Parlour

Cake: Wants and Kneads

Catering: Kokyu

Invites: Daniel Meltzer, printed by CatPrint

DJ: Alex DB

The post Unconventional Wedding | Sara + Daniel’s Snipes Farm Retreat Celebration | LGBTQ Wedding Photographer appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

When Bejal explained her LGBTQ wedding vision as “peacock-themed with Hindu influences,” I was hooked! I always love when couples create a wedding experience that is unique to their story, and this Indian-fusion wedding in a relaxed garden setting was definitely true to Bejal and Brittany.

One of my favorite elements of Brittany and Bejal’s NC Botanical Garden ceremony was the layout of the space. Instead of walking down a center aisle, Brittany and Bejal processed together but on separate sides of the circular perimeter, around the guests instead of cutting through them.  I also loved that they did their first dance right after they said their vows and kissed instead of during the reception.

When I first blogged this wedding back in 2014, it was the 2-year anniversary of the gay marriage ban passing in North Carolina. This gross, discriminatory law was finally overturned, and couples like Bejal + Brittany can now legally wed.

A family member’s speech during this wedding lingers with me in light of this: courage is doing what is right and true, even in the face of opposition. I’m so glad Bejal + Brittany chose to keep on lovin’ each other and sharing it with all of us.

Are you an LGBTQ couple looking for a chill, open-minded LGBTQ wedding photographer?

I’d love to photograph your day! Check out my three wedding packages or come meet me in person at the 5th Annual Raleigh LGBTQ Wedding Expo on Sunday, February 25th (admission is FREE – click here for more info and to RSVP.)

The post Bejal + Brittany | NC Botanical Garden Wedding | LGBTQ Wedding Photographer appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.

Even though it was the middle of summer and extremely hot & buggy, we all had a blast at the Eno.  Bejal and Brittany were down for anything, including climbing up to an overlook of the river, skipping across the red covered bridge, and taking an impromptu trip to Pelican’s Sno Balls– the most colorful, fabulous sno cone place in the area!  Their enthusiasm throughout the session was delightful; every time I finished snapping photos at a particular spot Bejal would exclaim, “That was so fun!”  She even said this after the very first pose!

Bejal and Brittany, thank you so much for embracing this engagement session and spending a whole evening with me exploring Durham and sharing a meal and good conversation afterwards.  It was great to get to know your story more, and now I can’t wait to shoot your wedding next spring.  Your playful spirit is refreshing; the two of you have a light about you when you interact that makes me smile.  I hope these photos bring a smile to your face as well!

Enjoy!

The post Bejal + Brittany | Rustic Durham engagement session | Durham Portrait Photographer appeared first on Courtney Potter Studio.