Jenn and Jeremy’s wedding was a really important wedding for me to shoot.  It was the first wedding I shot with my new husband, Justin Cook, just one week after our own wedding.  Their wedding took on a new meaning for me when I was shooting, as I was reliving our own day and thinking about the vows we had made to each other just eight days earlier.  I was reminded of how special my job is:  instead of sitting in an office cubicle doing work that’s not necessarily related to my personal life, my path crosses with people who are undergoing similar life-changing events.  My personal experience profoundly affects my shooting and vice versa.  I will never forget Jenn and Jeremy’s wedding for this reason.

Jenn and Jeremy are one of those couples that I would love to hang out with in my spare time.  They are fellow artists:  Jenn is a dancer and Jeremy is a song-writer and singer.  Their traditional Jewish ceremony really reflected their love of the arts, and I caught myself at several points tearing up during their heart-felt rituals underneath the chuppah that symbolized the beauty of the relationship between them.  Their reception was also saturated with their mutual love of the arts; one of my favorite points that night was when Jeremy performed with the band  I loved the look on Jenn’s face as she danced with all her heart to his music.

The most touching part of the wedding day for me to shoot was the signing of the ketubah- the Jewish marriage contract.  Even though this took place in a board room in the hotel (which the wedding party joked about profusely), this beauty of what took place during this half-hour transcended its earthly location.  As soon as everyone finished signing the ketubah (which is a beautifully adorned document), the bride and groom parted and were separately surrounded by their parents.  My favorite moment of the whole day was when Jenn’s parents wiped her tears of joy from her face with a white handkerchief.  In all my years as a wedding photographer I have never witnessed a couple with such strong ties to their parents.  The vulnerability and intimacy shared among them was so beautiful that after getting the shots I needed, I had to put my camera down and just take it in, stilling my heart.

Jenn and Jeremy, thank you so much for giving me the privilege of getting to know you these last few months and shooting your wedding day.  I have enjoyed every minute of my time spent with you—from frolicking in the golden light and bamboo forests at Duke Gardens to shooting your exchange of rings underneath the beautiful chuppah at the Umstead Hotel and Spa. You are both such warm, kind people, and I have felt “known” by you in a meaningful way that has made it a joy to really shoot your wedding.  Justin and I really hope we can get together in the months to come and exchange wedding stories. 

Enjoy!

I have had a long respite from photography, blogging, and creative work.  If you hadn’t already noticed, this blog has been untouched for the past four months; January 2012 marked the first month in 2 years of blogging in which I hadn’t posted any photos.  I’ve been wholly engaged in another kind of work, though, that of active rest.

Active rest was something foreign to me until this year.  Prep school and a competitive university setting taught me how to successfully strain and flourish—until I crashed and burned, that is.  Vegging out in front of youtube and guiltily skipping J-school classes to sleep in aren’t the same thing as attending to my emotional, physical, and spiritual needs with precision and care.   It has taken me a long time to learn how to do this without beating myself up for “not being productive.”

In 2011 I struggled with an anxiety disorder and depression.  One thing I learned from this is that it’s impossible to be fully engaged in shooting a wedding or blogging about my latest inspiration when confusion, panic, and sadness controlled my thoughts and movements.  And since I still held myself to an artist’s perfectionistic standards of achievement, I saw myself as a failure for (gasp!) not being able to carry out my creative whims…and eventually…not being able to even have creative whims.

So when I went to Africa and got sick with a debilitating intestinal disease that left me unable to steadily work for nine months, I had to change my standards.  It wasn’t so much a lowering of them; rather, a redefinition of productivity.  Dealing now with the triple demons of anxiety, depression, and a very physical illness, simply getting out of bed and trying to keep a basic meal of oatmeal or rice down was a legitimate cause for rejoicing. Circumstances were hard—harder than I’d probably ever experienced to this date–but I started discovering the secret of choosing–naming–creating joy.  An active process, not left to the gods of circumstance.

I could write at lengths about all “normal” things I stopped:  working a part-time job, blogging, taking pictures for pleasure, going to church, going to large group functions, relating to the majority of my friends, eating all foods except bland rice, potatoes, and other “baby” foods, loving others, being able to pour myself out creatively or relationally.  I was spent on every level.  But this doesn’t seem as important as, through great trial, all of the bad habits I learned how to identify, slow down, and eventually stop: worrying about money, worrying about what people think of me, worrying about most things, putting my identity in how many wedding gigs I book, mistaking religion for spirituality, believing that joy is a feeling randomly bestowed upon you rather than a fluid state that you can control.   And then there are all of the new things I took up for the first time: praying by being still, walking the dog in the woods, enjoying candles and flowers and color palettes, planning my own wedding, building a solid foundation with my beloved for my upcoming marriage, telling my Mom and Dad I loved them every night before bed, reading psychology and neuroscience books instead of theological treatises, laughing more than I have ever laughed, living quietly without self-flagellating analysis of my actions.

And in all of the ceasing and taking up, I’ve morphed into a different person. Not a different Courtney, but just a different, more evolved form of myself.  And today I can say with assurance and peace that I’ve reached a new epoch.

In 2011 I was obsessed with caterpillars.  I photographed my sweet neighbor girls playing with Forest Tent caterpillars, I wrote poems about caterpillars, I had conversations with anyone who would listen to me about caterpillars anticipating their impending transformation.  I didn’t think about caterpillars in 2012 until last night at a friend’s wedding.  And today, during a moving Friends Meeting about natural birth, rebirth, and life, I sat sobbing in the Spring Friends Meeting House, thinking about caterpillars, the mystery of metamorphosis, and the beauty of butterflies.   Our guest speaker was talking about home births, and all I could think about as I sat there sobbing like a baby is how what I am experiencing in this moment is rebirth.  After a year of hardship and about seven months of both building my cocoon in the shadow of my family and Justin—and then staying in that cocoon for even longer—I have finally emerged.

What I have experienced in the past weeks has been an overwhelming sense of hope, peace, and rightness.  I have given myself space and time that I so desperately needed in order to heal and grow into someone new.  I have grown closer to my parents and closer to my husband-to-be than ever before.  I have taken up the task of building a home—a home of brick and light and color but also a delicate balance of vulnerability and safety, unity with Justin and ease at spending time alone with my thoughts.  I felt all of this—and so much more—during today’s service as I sat there crying, overcome with a humility at what I have experienced since January 2011 and an awe that I can feel something as powerful as hope again.  And with two weeks until our wedding, I am burning with fire.

I don’t suspect this to be true; I know it now.

I am that butterfly.

“Just as I always said that I went down gradually and then suddenly, I also got up that way…All of that was part of some slow recovery process that came to the end of its tether at the same time I reached mine.”  -Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation.

I shot the wedding of Molly McKenzie and Joe Madden on December 17, 2012 in the Windy City—although this time of year it was the Snowy City!  This was one of the most meaningful weddings I have ever shot—I spent some of my most formative years in middle school, high school, and early college with Joe, who was like a big brother to me.  I even dedicated a portion of my “senior statement” in my high school yearbook to him!  So when he called me a few months before their wedding asking if I could shoot their wedding, of course I was ecstatic!

Coincidentally, Molly and Joe got hitched at the very church I attended when I lived in Chicago in 2007–Grace Presbyterian Church in Winnetka, IL.  The church is absolutely beautiful inside and out, and Molly and Joe did a fantastic job creating a sacred, festive feel with candles, Christmas wreaths, and deep red flowers adorning the building.

Something that really struck me while shooting this wedding was how strongly I felt enveloped by loving family and friends from a significant period of my life.  I shot group pictures of my former high school substitutes, piano camp buddies, and dozens of Joe’s friends who provided me with counsel and laughter during my adolescence.  Having an insider’s perspective definitely caused me to notice moments I otherwise wouldn’t have noticed–and to imbue them with meaning that other photographers may not have been able to do.   Joe surreptitiously applying chapstick during the toasts, Jerry goofily feigning tears during the pre-ceremony preparations, the Theby sisters stealing the lime light on the dance floor with their impressive Argentine tangos—these moments filled me with a warmth and gratitude that comes from being intricately connected to people.

Even potentially frustrating moments for me were lightened by this familial support.  My CF card reader somehow became corrupted moments before the introduction of the bride and groom, and I desperately needed to magically dump all my pictures on the computer to free up space.  My mom and one of Joe’s technically savvy friends came to the rescue, offering to make an emergency run to Best Buy for me and buy new cards and a new firewire cable.  Disaster averted!  And I’d like to think that Dan and my Mom bonded on their mini road-trip to the store.

Joe and Molly, thank you so much for inviting me (and my mom) to be a part of your story and your day.  It was truly an honor to serve you in this manner and to celebrate the covenant of marriage with you.  Joe, I kept thinking about how you were the first person to teach me about photography one lonely summer in St. Louis—how awesome it was that I got to shoot with you once again—7 years later!  I enjoyed every moment of this wedding and am SO excited to share all of these photos with you!  I am really excited about what God has in store for your marriage…and I’m also excited about seeing you in just two weeks during my trek out to the Midwest. 

Much love to you both! 

Enjoy!

Dress: Brides by Demetrios- Sposabella
Shoes: Nina
Bridesmaid Dresses: Jordan
Flower girl Dresses: J.C. Penney
Groom’s clothing: Men’s Wearhouse
Ties:  Men’s Wearhouse
Florist: Periwinkle Florals
Catering: Concorde Banquet
Invites: UPClose Marketing and Printing
DJ: Stax O Wax

I was going to post my “year in review” blog entry the other day, but alas, my computer died.  So it will have to wait until later.

This seems to be a theme for my blog as of late.  Delay work/photography posts altogether.  That seems to be a theme for my life this winter, actually.    While I have been busy shooting in December (I had three wintry  weddings this month!), I’ve opted to focus on my personal life rather than actively growing my business for the past two months.  Some of that has been forced by circumstances—I’ve had to focus my energy on recuperating after finally ridding my body of nasty parasites from my work in Africa.  This meant sleeping, going to physical therapy, not lifting heavy equipment, building yummy and nutritious food back into my diet (no more protein shakes!), among other things.

But really, the timing of getting sick was actually ideal, in hindsight.  Justin and I got engaged in October, so I’ve been using my self-created “sick time” to revel in our engagement, hang out with both of our families, learn more about psychology and brain science, begin the wedding planning process, and build a foundation for our future with him.  Since I didn’t have any huge shoots in November, I house-hunted and smothered my pinterest account with wedding inspiration and home decor ideas.  He was busy bringing in the dough, so I’ve been really happy to be able to delve into the “homemaking” side of things.  (Now I’m just ready to MOVE and start creating all sorts of DYI stuff four our house and wedding!!!)

This isn’t something we ever learned about in journalism school (or any of my university classes at UNC, really).  I’m not even tempted to declare my business in 2011 a “failure,” because I still managed to shoot creatively when I could and delegate my energy to less physically demanding areas that were just as important for the development of my business (and myself!)  At UNC I thought the life of a photographer would be 90% shooting pictures and 10% traveling to exotic locales.  This year has proven that this picture is definitely not reality (nor would I want it to be!)  Having a balanced life is much more gratifying for me.  And sometimes balance means rolling with the punches and redefining “work.”  I’ve had to learn some of that the hard way this year, but that’s how things go, isn’t it? 

Anticipating more big changes in my life for 2012, I’m excited about allowing myself to breathe more and patiently walk through each transition, rather than try to give my 110% to every single area of my life, which is self-defeating in the end.  I’m moving to our new house next week, and once I satisfy most of my “nesting” urges, I’ll be able to dive into wedding planning, finish up some old projects (i.e. Kenya and the long-awaited birth documentary), and enjoy the rest of the engagement period! I’ll still be taking wedding inquiries, shooting and working next year (gotta pay the bills!), but I’m giving myself permission to not actively grow my business until the fall—after the move, after the wedding, after Justin and I settle into more of a routine as husband and wife in Durham!  And the Type A person in me isn’t even horrified.

At any rate, stay tuned for my next post: A Year in Review in Wedding Pictures (and some words).  I’ll be posting blog entries from all my December weddings in just a few weeks…as a Durhamite!!!  Yay!!!

One of the reasons I love shooting weddings is it gives me a chance to reconnect with friends from across the world.  This bride happened to be my roommate/big sister when I lived in Sevilla, Spain for a summer in high school.  Seven years later, we’re trying on wedding dresses together, sharing a meal at Elmo’s Diner with our significant others, and frolicking in fields with cameras.  (I had the cameras, and we both frolicked).

I would have been lost in Sevilla with Kimberly Jones.  She influenced my life in huge ways that summer—talking openly with me about God, counseling me on college applications, and just being a good friend.  (We tried speaking only Spanish to each other for a few weeks, but it didn’t last very long).  I have a whole scrapbook dedicated to our summer in Sevilla–which we looked at together, laughing in the parking lot of a bridal shop in Durham this year.  I’m so thankful that we have been able to share in each other’s lives again this year—big changes have happened for both of us at the same time (aka finding true love!).  My personal joys wouldn’t have been as sweet if I hadn’t been able to share them with her.

Unfortunately, I was extremely sick with a parasitic infection for Kimberly’s wedding day, so I hired two amazing photographers to shoot her and Ryan’s wedding.  I was really bummed about this, but Melissa Tuck and John Adkisson did an amazing job, and it was fun to live vicariously through their vision of Kimberly and Ryan’s big day.  As sad as I was not to be able to celebrate with Kim in person, I’m definitely counting my blessings.  All of the times we shared in preparation to her wedding (photo shoots, dog walks, and conversations) are so sweet to me, and I have those memories (and photos!) to share with her.

To shake things up a bit on the visual-front, I’m featuring a variety of photos on this blogpost.  Photos from my time in Spain with Kim, our engagement session, silly photos we took of each other trying on wedding dresses, and a handful of Melissa and John’s photos from Kimberly and Ryan’s wedding.  (To view and purchase her professional wedding day prints, go here).

Kimberly and Ryan, you two are made for each other.  As Kimberly’s “hermanita,” I couldn’t think of a better man to love and take care of her.  You make her so happy, and I am just so thrilled that you two found each other!  Kimberly, te quiero mucho mi hermana mayor!  Felicidades!

Enjoy!

Dress: A Beautiful Day Bridal
Shoes: David’s Bridal
Bridesmaid dresses: Bill Levkoff
Groom’s clothing: Indochino
Florist: Paula Peckham
Cake: Cakes By Shirley
Catering: The Reserve at Lake Keowee
Invites: Casey Reagan
Programs: Casey Reagan
Band/DJ: Jumping Jukebox

Their love story began with a napkin.  During their college years at NC State, John spotted Nicole from the distance at the Wolves’ Den, wrote her a note on his napkin, and dropped it in front of her.  It said, “I saw you and wanted you to have this.  (his phone number).  More than four years later, the couple toasted to long life at their wedding reception on October 8, 2011!

Nicole and John had a beautiful outdoor wedding at Fred Fletcher Park in Raleigh, N.C.  It was a clear and sunny fall day–we had fun shooting portrait sessions at pretty spots around the park (I LOVE the light this time of year!)  The ceremony was intimate and sacred—one of my favorite parts of it was when John serenaded Nicole with his saxophone.  I’ve shot weddings where the groom sings or plays piano for the bride, but this was really unique.  The man is skilled!

The reception was held at Artspace in downtown Raleigh.  Nicole and her friends and family spent hours creating decorations—cute birds adorned the tables’ centerpieces (and two lovebirds crowned the top of the cake!)  I loved the amount of time, thought, and creativity that went into creating a beautiful reception—I was happily engaged in shooting as many details as possible!  The dancing and live band was also some of the best I’ve experienced in awhile—a huge shout out to the Party Nuts for creating such a great atmosphere!  (I may have put my cameras down for a dance number or two towards the end). 

Nicole and John, thank you so much for including me in your big day!  After being sick the few weeks prior to your wedding, it was a real treat to celebrate with you and create photos again!  I left your wedding smiling widely, totally energized from making photos during your big day.  I hope these photos capture the energy of the day and that you cherish them for years to come!

Enjoy!

Dress: Dress by Mori Lee, purchased at Poffie Girls
Bridesmaid dresses: Bill Levkoff, purchased at Savvi Formal
Mother of the Bride dress: Bill Levkoff, purchased at Savvi Formal
Groom’s clothing: Men’s Wearhouse
Florist: Tre Bella Florist
Cake: Ashley Cakes
Catering: Caffe Luna
Band/DJ: The Party Nuts

I had a fantastic photo shoot with Amy and Jason two weeks ago in Carrboro, NC.  The weather forecast for the day was overcast and rainy, so I was a bit perplexed as I pulled up to the entrance of the Carolina North Woods for their shoot.  We decided to wait out the rain and go for it—and it turned out to be worth it!  The rain added a nice ambiance to this colorful fall day.

Amy and Jason live in Carrboro, N.C., and they wanted to do their engagement pics at a handful of their favorite spots in this eclectic town—Elmo’s Diner, coal cars on the train tracks, Southern Rail, and the creek at Wilson Park, to name a few.  We had a blast trekking through Carrboro.  Between Jason’s good ideas for photo backdrops and Amy’s playfulness, we had a day of successful photo-shenanigans.  Amy has a knack for climbing objects and hanging upside down—some of my favorite pics involve her monkeying around on the train tracks!

I really loved the creativity that Amy and Jason brought to the session.  They spent hours creating hand-made, colorful signs with expressions like “Celebrate,” “Love,” and their wedding date.  Amy also brought an arsenal of hats and gloves that she knit herself.  It was fun to incorporate these meaningful props in the photographs and think of different poses for them other than smooching and hugging (as fun as these are!). 

Amy and Jason, thanks for treating me to an afternoon out on the town!  Having moved away from Chapel Hill and Carrboro this year, I’ve sincerely missed many of the wonderful spots in this area.  It was really rejuvenating to rediscover the area with you.  You’re such a fun, creative couple, and I’m really pumped about shooting your wedding in 2012!  This is my last engagement session of the year for now, and it’s great way to end 2011.

Enjoy!

I shot the wedding of Alex Parks and Harrison Smith on October 1, 2011, in my home state of Missouri.  Harrison is the little brother of one of my best friends Emily; I knew him when he was in grade school!  I met Alex a few years ago when I made a road trip to Columbia, Missouri to visit Emily, long before she started dating Harrison.

This wedding turned out to be one of my absolute favorites of the year.  (I know, I say that about every wedding, but this wedding felt like…and literally was…coming home!)  Ironically, I was sick as a dog the weeks leading up to it, combating a nasty parasitic infection with an even nastier drug.  With little energy, I was afraid I wouldn’t be healthy enough to shoot this wedding.  I remember expressing this worry to Justin before leaving for St. Louis, and he calmed me down by reminding me that I was in the best possible place to be sick and shooting a wedding—I would be surrounded by loving friends (who feel like family).

I wasn’t just surrounded by love that day—I was totally supported and lifted up by love—and I took some of the best photos of the year because of that!  I was inspired by Alex and Harrison’s love for each other, and by their friends’ and families’ love for me.  I couldn’t drive because of my medication, so one of the groomsmen kindly drove me from St. Louis to Columbia and became my personal escort for the wedding day.  Emily and her sisters bought me all sorts of food (that they deemed “my special diet”) for the wedding and days after; the mother of groom (who used to be a nurse) expertly counseled me on my steps towards recovery; and guests jokingly called me “the parasite girl,” which was absolutely hilarious to me, and somewhat endearing.

Alex and Harrison gave me inspiration for my own wedding.  They got married at Alex grandmother’s house—a fascinating home filled with all sorts of artwork, trinkets and treasures.  (Can I borrow it?)  Their outdoor ceremony was beautiful, sacred, and intimate.  They gave me ample time to frolic on the campus of Mizzou and photograph them in magic light, which I always love.    And their getaway vehicle, a convertible Ford Mustang, was sweeeeet!  (This lucky photog actually got a chance to drive it down country roads the next day).  Oh, and the funfetti cake had to be my favorite food item—such a smart idea!

Alex and Harrison, thank you SO much for including me in your big day—and for taking care of me!   I hope to come out to Columbia some time next year to see Emily, and I will definitely pay you a visit.  I hope you have a fantastic honeymoon (this weekend!), and that you enjoy these photos for years to come.

Enjoy!

In case you are interested…

Dress:  Davids Bridal
Shoes:  Sseko
Bridesmaids and Flower girl dresses:  Davids Bridal
Groom’s Clothing:  Savvi Formalwear
Ties:  Savvi Formalwear
Florist-  Hy-vee
Invites and Programs:  Billy Bubenik.

A week before the wedding of Jess Brenton and Zach Osborne, I drove up to Southwest Virginia to shoot Jess’ bridal portraits at Sundara.  Jess told me over the phone that the location had an apple orchard and a big red barn, so I was pretty excited to see the space and get inspired by the mountains.

I love shooting bridal portraits because it gives me a chance to get to know the bride better–or in Jess’ case, to catch up with a friend and have a photo adventure!  I laughed throughout the shoot because Jess kept asking me,  “tell me about Africa” or “tell me about Justin.”  At one point I had to say that I would tell her later over dinner because I needed her to smile at the camera and not ask me questions.  (I actually was able to answer her questions during the shoot).    Seriously though, it was really fun to talk to Jess and make some sweet photos with the fading mountain sunlight.

I really felt like I was part of the wedding party after doing this shoot.  Jess and Zach took me out to eat at a yummy restaurant in Roanoke (organic mountain food!!!), and I slept over at Jess’ that evening while we talked and looked at the photos I had shot earlier that day.  The next morning I went running in Jess’ neighborhood (which happens to lead to a massive hill with a beautiful overlook of downtown Roanoke at the top!)  I had been pretty sick the week before (with what I now know was a parasitic infection), so these two days with Jess was the bright spot of those first few weeks in October.  It felt so good to enjoy her company…and make beautiful pictures of a beautiful friend in a beautiful place!

Jess, thanks for being so welcoming and hospitable.  You made me feel like I was another member of the Brenton household.  Thanks for letting your cute cocker spaniel love on me, too—I need that!  I hope you love the pics.

To view all pictures from this session and purchase prints, go to http://prints.canacollective.com/.

Enjoy!

I shot the wedding of Jess Brenton and Zach Osborne on September 17, 2011 in the beautiful Roanoke, VA.  Jess and I bonded when we were bridesmaids in the wedding of Laura Fletcher Stevenson.  I remember the first time she told me about her and Zach’s love story, and I was moved to tears.  Just a few months into their dating relationship, Zach was injured serving our country overseas.  They spent the next months together while he recuperated and underwent surgeries at Walter Reed in D.C.

When Jess told me about everything they had already gone through, I felt as if I was talking to a woman who had been married for several years.  She and Zach have weathered storms that some couples will never experience—and their love for each other grew stronger in those hardships.  I remember thinking, “I wish I could document their story.”  Luckily, Jess asked me to shoot her wedding—and I was able to capture their incredible, strong love for one another on their wedding day!

This wedding was especially meaningful for me because I was able to reunite with one of my best friends, Laura Fletcher Stevenson.  My boyfriend and second shooter, Justin Cook, was able to share in the joy of our reunion.  This wedding held significance for him as well, since we were returning to his community in Roanoke.  We shot the wedding with Ryan Loew, Justin’s friend and an amazing videographer (who just had his first child—congrats, Ryan!!).  So it pretty much felt like a giant party on the photo-side.  And Laura, Justin, and I were the last guests to leave the reception—we ended up staying on the premises an hour after everybody had left!  I love when my job as a wedding photographer blends so seamlessly into my personal life—weddings like Jess and Zach’s are extra special for me–their celebration becomes my celebration. 

Jess and Zach, you two are an inspiring couple and great friends.  I had a blast shooting your wedding and hanging out with you the days before it.  It was a joy to share in your day and be able to tell your story through my camera.  Thank you so much for everything!  I hope that you cherish these photos for years to come.

To view all photos from this wedding and purchase prints, click here.

Enjoy!